Capris and Toilet Bolts.

I would like to take the time to thank the Operations Manager of my Chamber of Commerce for increasing my wardrobe to at least triple of what it was. She was able to become tired of more clothing than I could imagine owning. I am now the nervous, yet proud owner of pants - and lots of them. For those who know me, you know Femmies just don't do pants. I see pants as a casing to my sausage like figure and can't say I like it one bit. It's not that I am fat - I see the number on my clothing - size six is not fat. But... I'm "Hour Glassy" ... Which is a polite way of saying you have a great waistline, but your extremities look like sausages. I've got a booty - not one to rest a beer on, but one there none the less. That, paired along with the fact that I am a toe walker, always makes my behind more pronounced (Oh Lucky me!) as I walk half leaning forward with a super giant back arch...

Back to my new clothing. Jeans! Pants! Capris! Ooh la la! I've made a promise to myself that I can wear these out. I put them on, I spun in the mirror - I was okay with what I saw... The First Time. Fifteen minutes later I had to use the commode and I passed the mirror - looked at my limbs (which I swear gained weight since the original try on just moments ago) and cried. My reasoning for my comfort in skirts is simple - it does not show my legs as individuals - instead - creates a nice flowing A-line past my hips and outwards - and in my mind - I give off the illusion of slenderness... Clever, eh? I know. I play up what I am comfortable with. I've got a tiny waist, and my chest - well it's certainly there. I use what I gots - lets mees tells yous. Hard on myself? Perhaps - but it's just one of the idiosyncrasies that make me me!

On another note - WHO STEALS the BOLTS off a toilet seat? I mean weird things have been stolen but that is just not right. So there I was - sitting all lady like on the toilet, reaching in a fashionable manner to get some toilet paper... Because God has a humour, the dispenser was broken and my toilet paper roll goes flying downwards and onto the floor. In a panic, I quickly scoot myself to the front of the seat to catch my toilet paper before it flew into the abyss of the bathroom... However, instead of me scooting the entire toilet seat came ahead with me landing me head first into the door and bouncing me right back to a seatless toilet. Once I check for blood (which there was none but I do have a bump on my head) ... I start to laugh. Confused about the whole incident, I stand up, fix my nylons, skirt, etc... and look behind me. The BOLTS are missing from the Toilet seat. Each one of them. This particular seat had three empty holes where bolts once lied... These should fasten and secure the seat to the base - however, kinda hard to do when they aren't there. Unfricken real. Anyway, I went to the church staff and let them know of this... Issue. I swear one was wondering if I took the bolts. Clearly, as one could see with the giant red welt on my forehead, *I* did not steal the bolts. I guess better me than a poor cute little older lady who's hips may not have made it through the ordeal - forget the head.

Such is life. At least I was done peeing. Now THAT would have been embarrassing.

Today was a fantastic day, by the way. Tomorrow - also looking immensely promising... This week will fly by! Oh I love the sunshine - I love being busy - but yes, as most ask - I do miss the Florist... *laugh*

I caught the Toilet paper, BTW.