Sweet and sour?

I've never poured myself a drink at home to kick back.
I've never stolen something with the intentions of theft.
I've never hit a wall in anger.
I've never verbally sworn at someone. (for the record, when I was in grade six or so - I said to my mom " frick you" and she screamed " WHAT did you SAY?" and MAN was I in trouble. I didn't even swear and she said I did. I was so angry that I swore outloud in my room to myself because I was all grown up like that, you know"
I don't have a microwave.

Funny ... In the past few days these topics seem to have come up more than once. It's funny looking back at things. Back at past times, memories, thoughts and opinions.

I drank before "legal drinking age", I tried "drugs" about three weeks after I was accused of it through an "intervention" at my kitchen table complete with pamphlets from that miserable life ruining Pharmacist Jill. I still hate her as much as I did when I was 17 *laugh* ... I never "snuck" out of my house, but I do recall "sneaking in", or was that "skulking in"...

I remember my elementry school life was hell for a week because I came home to tell my mom that at Crystal's party there was a "cigarette"... And Crystal told her mom too but chose to cover and get me in trouble.

I used to be so afraid of Alex that Lesley and I would talk quietly in our room about her because we thought she may have a recording device in our houses. We were THAT afraid of her. I used to eagerly look forward to school exams (well tests at the time), because I was smart and she was always nice to me when she needed help on projects and tests and such.

I remember creating "miracle face creams" with water, baby powder, eyeshadows, soap peelings, and baby oil" ... Sometimes, to make them better I added "real" hand cream - but I would have never admitted it. I made it all on my own, doncha know.

In grade seven - I bought a condom out of a dispenser in a truck stop on our way to Timmins and hid it until we came back and put it in my journal.

I remember giving my parents foot rubs and their feet would talk to me. Then I would have a donation bag hanging on my doorknob and they would donate to me during the night.

I remember discovering a giant rubber maid container of "naughty" things in my parents closet and having it down to an art to sneak in and show a friend. Hahah. I can't recall what I was looking for when I found it, but I do recall my heart racing going ... Oh my God!! lol That was in grade six *laugh*

I remember the devastation I felt when I first learned I was too big for the swing set.

I remember my hamster dying the same night I learned that Santa, the Easter Bunny, and ... And... And... the tooth fairies were not real.

I remember my very first sip of a drink was from Jaime at the cottage. He and I were sitting together and we walked to the cottage and he handed me a Bacardi and coke. Said have some. I was so afraid. Richard came in and I hid it. Jaime said something to him but I couldn't hear over my heart and he said " Man I'm out of here have you seen the size of her dad!" LOL! I went home and wrote about 8 pages in my journal about that life altering grown up experience. That and Richard touched my head when he patted it. Oh, I was in love! *laughing*

I remember the old " dirty jokes" Mommy Mommy turn your headlights on, the snake is eating your grass" ... LOL

I remember boat rides and scavenger hunts... Frog catching, and my imaginary friend/enemy named Kacubody. She was a pervert sometimes. (Oh the trials of being an only child).

I remember sneaking pickles out of the fridge and hiding them in the drawers under my bed for later - forgetting them - then when my mom found them claimed I had no idea.

I remember my friend Lesley and I had a big plan to " try a tampon" years before our monthly visitors came to be. We code named them "hats" and made sure to remind us not to forget to pack a hat for the weekend at the cottage. We snuck them from our mom's... How riske.

I remember secretly liking power rangers, in highschool. *laugh*

I remember sad things too...

From the simple - of crying over "heart breaks" to...

Watching my dad drop to the ground with a deafening sound when he found out his dad died.... I had never seen him cry. It made me feel sick. I also remember always hating to go to Quebec... Because I didn't understand why we had to speak French. I remember not wanting to visit... Yet, I remember being in the hospital looking at my "pepere" on my dads side... All yellow... and thinking " How sad he's just so helpless. I remember that drive home was so long because then, I felt so badly for not knowing him better.

I remember getting the call that my cousin had killed himself. I was in grade eight. He was 18. He was the one I looked up to. Enjoyed talking to. He held my hand in car rides and taught me to enjoy Tolkien, and taught me chess. I remember we were at the kitchen table. I went right upstairs and packed " adult funeral clothes" ... I found a black cotton skirt and a blue and black striped sweater. I remember the funeral home smelled sweet. He looked painted. I kissed his forehead because someone was watching me and it was cold and I gagged. An hour later went back to see him and I held his hand again. I signed a chess board in memory of him. I remember being blown away by all of the " Louis" memorabilia. His chess games, Coke products, everything. I remember the funeral director - Tracey Seaton. She had hair pinned back to perfection. A gorgeous smile and the warmest hug I could remember. She told me all about her job, and sat with me for a good hour. She was so perfect. So put together. So professional. . She still works in Timmins.

My great aunt who was like a grand mother. I was not able to attend her funeral. My heart still gets caught in my chest when I think about her though. Velveta cheese, money for the store downstairs, slippers and playing dress up. Her dogs that always smelled funny. Potatoes cooked over the wood stove at the cottage. The Sauna - and putting blood suckers on the hot rocks until I realized I felt badly and then I cried. ... I remember finding out my mom's dad had died in her apartment.

My mom and I had just come from Timmins... And it's funny - I'm not a scenic girl but at a point in our drive we both said how nice it was outside. We saw the time. When we arrived in Timmins, my Great aunt told me first... While my mom was downstairs. She came up and I asked her to sit down. She knew... and the first thing she asked was what time he died. It was the same time when we said it was so beautiful. To this day that makes my hair stand on edge. I remember my mom very vividly at the funeral. I remember being so sad. I kept picturing how sad he would be when we would leave. I remember for the first time understanding that that was it. No more. I remember throwing up. I watched my mom and she was a rock. Talking to these people she had never seen before. Seeing it from a whole other perspective. Knowing I could never be that rock. Not then, not now. Not for me, anyway.

I remember putting my cat down. I remember being so afraid. Terrified that we had to choose death for this cat and really couldn't say what happened to him after. I remember holding his paw and crying. I remember my dad taking him and crying. I remember it was awful. It was so awful.

Wow... I remember this post started off happy. Although, even these sad things.... Helped make me me. Maybe I just needed a little night of nostalgia.