Enough is enough is enough.

Enough Said ;)

So, my event is done. It went on without a hitch and everyone thoroughly enjoyed themselves. Close to one thousand people came and saw the festivities under the lovely sunshine of the day! Halton Regional Police won the Pull in the end. I missed pulling the fire truck!

So with that contract coming to a close I have to ask myself "What next?" ... Today I applied to a part time job within the Literacy Council. I only want part time out of funeral services and this one is close by so it sounds promising. I just need to wait and see on the flexibility of the hours. I do have several work engagements during the summer that I don't want to back out on.

On another note, a more social note, I think I will be anti social this weekend. Things have been crazy here. Work work work work, and work. I was originally going to go home and partake in some "good times" at a school reunion/closing party and a wedding reception the next day. Now, it seems more trouble than it's worth. I am not up for the travel, the balancing schedules... But most of, I've got a bad feeling about the whole thing. There are more reasons, of course - but I won't bother going into detail. Besides, there is St. John Stuff that I can do back here anyway... And gas is expensive - and God forbid I relax.

Truth being, I do want to go and am just trying to justify not going - but what can do you.

If you don't want to read this, then don't :)

It's Sunday evening. I spent my Sunday in style relaxing with a few different friends throughout the day. Definately a good time and I was certainly well fed everywhere I went.

I used to enjoy blogging for a couple of reasons. I think I can add one to the list. Before, when I wrote these little online diaries, the only people who read them were people who did not know me. With a pretty popular reading base I would receive great comments and advice from perfect strangers. It was different though... I wrote about things that we not as shallow as I would write about here. Things that meant something. Now, my new reason for enjoying this is the confusion and conversation it brings people who who don't understand it's concept. I came into the florist the other day and it was printed out. *laugh* ... For the record, folks - I don't spend my time at work blogging ;) So make sure you note that instead of stating otherwise when it gets printed. Funny how people who don't understand blogging are always the first ones to comment on it. As I say, I don't force anyone to read it. I always laugh when you get the occasion rude comment left on it that gets deleted. May I never be so sad that I sit at home and read things that I don't care about. Oh! Speaking of blogs... My favourite one has a new entry today! When I figure out how to paste links to favourite sites, I will do so.

This weekend is almost over, and May Two Four always signifies a new start to me. In school, it was the start of the count down to summer... Six years ago, it was the start to my life with Jack. Today, I had a lot of time to think and talk and think and get my head and such together. Today, being the list person that I am, wrote down what I want out of this summer ;) I had my nicely done to do list of when I moved to Fort Erie. The Femmy three year plan. I've got it :) (Yes, I'm anal - but if you're gonna do it, do it well). I've distanced myself a lot from the few people I chat with on in the past couple weeks - kinda sitting back and doing some thinking... For the few moments that I have. It's been helpful. I've become more short fused and I knew it and I didn't want anything said I would regret. Think twice, say once, regret none.

This week won't be a sit down week. I'm looking forward to it! It's almost over! We've kicked butt! Hard work will pay off :) And then I am free for the next little section in my eclectic life ;)

May Two Four

This weekend used to signify the start of a couple of days that would fly by in an alcoholic blur, and looked back upon with just as much clarity. Now, the highlight of my weekend will be seeking out my dream leather portfolio and as well, a snazzy Rolodex. I want the one with the clear plastic covers so I don't have to staple the cards on. If I'm really eager, I'll shampoo my car.

I'm oncall this weekend for work and hoping for a quiet time so I can catch up on life. For an update, I have fourteen days left with the Lung. From then of, I'm not sure what will keep me occupied. The Ambulance should keep me pretty busy through out the summer. I think after this I will just play instructor for the summer... Instructing is good. Easy cash for something that comes easy to me. Also keeps the skills sharp. *shrug* As sharp as First Aid and AED skills can be kept ;) I'll only give real thought to what to do with myself come August I think. :)

Alright - that's it. I have an article to write so off I go. Have a super long weekend folks.

It takes my breath away.

Ever have those moments - when your breath gets caught in your chest. I get them all the time... From good moments when hearing a certain song or thinking back to a great memory, to the ones that get you filled with anxiety and grief.

Often, I get caught up in songs. I tend to fall hard for certain lyrics. " I really miss your hair on my face, the way your innocence tastes" ... Just certain songs stick with me.

I associate things to no end. When I hear the song picture - I remember watching it being performed on an award show when I was in Humber Residence. Then things just tumble into place. I think of watching it with Lyndsay ... And how much fun we had I also remember it playing in my car radio the last day of Humber. I was driving away, car packed with belongings and cases of juice as I had to buy out my left over meal card. My heart gets caught in my chest at the feeling of sadness, excitement, regret, anticipation and fear that I felt when leaving that part of my life.

I wish I could be someone who looks back on memories and remembers happy things and appreciates past times. Instead, I panic. I realize I can't relive those memories. I regret not doing more and exploring more and sometimes wish maybe that I had played a better role of being a student. Maybe lived a little more. Was less judgmental and insistent on not acting young and more carefree and jovial. I had a great time - but did I have as great of a time as the rest of them? I didn't come in at all hours of the night. I will never really have a chance to do that again. It's really less what I didn't do - but more that that time period is gone. I told my mom how scary it was... Overwhelming really, to look back and feel like things happened just moments ago - only to realize they were decades ago. Time passes so quickly. She says she still feels the same way. It makes my stomach flip.

Things that do make me smile when remembering school is Cinibons and Bubble Tease. Chicken Finger Wraps and masking tape barriers. Topless girls and chocolate sauce with chest prints on the wall and a chocholatey tractor. Trying to create the largest salad on a single plate... The Wedding Story, Singing she thinks my Tractors Sexy down the hall, Tracey and I with our " WHERE did you get those Cookies? Were they FREE?".... Singing puppets from the grocery store, sitting on Elijah's six foot in the air bed, Watching scary movies in Josh's room... Having people come wake me up when they came in from pub nights so I could get post pub pizza.... And most of all - how wonderful my little crappy res. bed felt after a late night out.

That hole that I moved into that I hated so much became my own. I miss that part of my life so much. Even more so than my first apartment before that when I lived in Welland.

What happens in ten years? Do I look back and go " God I was in my 26th year and I did nothing" ... Will I still have the people around me that mean so much now? What if I lose them? Will I catch my breath when I wish I still had them? Change is not what I care for. I either care too much or not at all. I wish I could change that I am an " All or Nothing" Girl.

Different strokes for Different folks

... It's been a while. I knew it would wind down. You know, over the past week or so I'll have a bunch of moments that say " Wow, I'll blog about that today and I will sound so clever and witty!". Needless to say, I forget what I wanted to write about and here I stand - with really nothing of interest to say.

Maybe a couple of announcements to toot my own horn for a moment.

I recently won the Niagara Business Link's Forty Under 40. It was a nice night out where I was "honoured" for my achievements in the business community, as well as community services. I was supposed to get a snazzy glass statue like thing, however something went wrong and my name never made it on one. I graciously accepted some Sam guy's award and smiled and nodded as it was my own. I watched myself on TV accepting it and TV was not kind to me. I can't be that wide in real life... And is my face really that flat? *pout* ... I felt awkward because I know that I did receive several nominations after the fact, but somehow the main one associated me with the funeral home.... And I am usually not one to draw too much attachment to myself and the place where my funeral license hangs. I mean I love the place, but I'm less a piece of furniture there and more like a lawn chair that is brought around when needed. I felt awkward in a sense when I could have been associated in other ways. I don't feel I do much there. It's a workplace and not the homey workplace I am used to... I just felt like I was stepping on toes and I didn't even do it. Kind of put a damper on the whole thing.

The next day I was also at a gala... To celebrate my nomination in the Women of Distinction of Niagara - held by the YMCA. I ate like a queen, and was delighted that my friend came out with me to share the experience. We ate more than socially acceptable ( I have a stalking problem with it comes to the floating food trays) The food was excellent, the company was excellent, the night was just awesome!

Two in a week. Talk about feeling fantastic. The people that stood up with me were phenomenal. They have done so much. I was delighted to be able to eat off of the same Hors d'oeuvre trays as them, let alone stand next to them in award categories. My category was Excellence in Community Services.

***

Recently, well, "Ongoingly" ... (that is now a word) I've been challenged about why I am involved in so many volunteer opportunities, and how I should not just focus, but only do things that involve receiving an income. I used to think it was just done to bother me for kicks and giggles - but sadly, I think said person means it. Volunteers are the heart of any organization. I get so much out of volunteering. Firstly, for me... I meet people. I enjoy networking. I enjoy hearing stories of other's, I enjoy lending a hand. I enjoy being the person that is involved in everything. It keeps me busy. It helps people. Who wouldn't like that. This person does not understand why anyone would do anything for "nothing" ... It's not nothing... Its fulflling, its a learning experience, its great on the resume. I'm at an age where I have energy, and I want to use it positively. I'm not looking to cash out on everything I do. I'm looking to build my own character - and in turn build my own portfolio as well. I want to be well rounded, as well as educated. I'm not uber wealthy, but I'm not hurting. I have no debt. I'm comfortable. I'm frugal but not in a panic to count every penny for survival. I MAKE time to give time away. I can't offer organizations that I believe in funds for their advancement, but I can certainly offer them my own time. Volunteering, and having the mentors that I have had have created who I am. I like who I am. Said person doesn't know what he's missing. It used to bother me. It doesn't anymore. I just wanted to clear that air. Different people have different purposes in life. I have mine. He has his. We will always be different. As I've said before....If I could be a quarter of the community and business minded woman that my former boss' wife is - I would be above and beyond the person I think I am even capable of being... I've got big shoes to fill but it will be one heck of a ride trying.

"Ugh, I can hear you getting fatter"

Our town puts on an event for Literacy Day. The sponsors are phenomenal, the volunteers are driven and the entertainment is awesome! (Well, okay - it's awesome for me - because I enjoy dancing around with kids being a good to B-I-N-G Clap! and other such favourites as the alphabet song. It's event that actually gives entirely to families and kids. It's free entry, they learn, laugh, dance, sing, buy books and eat pizza! How much better does it get? I had a great time volunteering for it. I love kids when I can return them!

After that I gave in and went to the Florists - no matter how much of a grudge I'm holding - I miss my second home. I miss the company and laughs. I may even miss getting picked on - but not so much. I guess I have no choice but to just move on from my bitterness and realize nothing will come of it. It was one of those hit or hug situations. I chose to sit on the counter.

For dinner, Jack, myself, Dave, Charlie and Allison went to the Mandarin. That is what is wrong with North Americans right there. We drove thirty five minutes away to eat more food than a regular human being should consume in a week. I've eaten like a bird this past month and wow did this evening do me in. I was driving home with my hands gripped to my steering wheel in complete pain. I had my PANTS unbuttoned and I still thought that my insides were going to rot or fall out at any given second. I came home in practical tears thinking what was I thinking. It's funny - cause I didn't eat anything BAD per se. I ate fresh shrimp, the broccoli garlic dish, and about four plates of mandarins and strawberries (Oh! And three perogies)... Basically it was just the amount of food that I ate in such a short period of time. I've always been able to pack it in... I failed this time. Either that or I exceeded my already crazy high tolerance. I've had a burning hot shower already this evening to transfer the pain in my stomach to my skin. It worked for the time being. I'm writing this only because it's just too early to go to bed.

I think the fetal position is calling me right now. Tomorrow is also the first day in a LONG time where I don't need to be up and out by a certain time - which almost guarantees that I will be up at some obscenely early hour :( Wish me luck to learn the art of sleeping in

Some Bunny in Michigan loves me.

Yup, you read that right. That is what was on the front of my postcard that I received from my Dad today. I'm glad I received that. It was perfect timing.

Today was a day that I would have been okay with not having. It started off with an email which put me in a neg. mood. Maybe that will teach me to log onto the computer before my eyes are fully open and I am completely conscious. I replied - (with typos I only noticed when I re read it later when I was double checking to make sure I was reasonable with my reply - I was). I spent the morning nervous of the response to my reply. My nerves were less about the anticipation of the contents of the reponse - but where my opinion would be afterwards.... and the reply was....

Non existant. Talk about something further igniting my already short fuse. If someone asks for comments - the least they can do is acknowledge them. I'm riled up. I don't rile up too often.

The day itself was spent in good company, yes - but even good company can't always put a bad day out of its misery. It was sort of a negative day for my contract job. Well, less negative but more of a downer day. One of those times where you look at all you have done and given something - and then have circumstances created that are entirely out of your control. I hate feeling powerless. I'm looking forward to Monday. Fresh start.. I have the weekend to regain my generally optimistic outlook and get my mind to the grindstone.

After work I went out with Ms. Common Sense (a part time staff of the Lung and volunteer). I find her entertaining - and she makes me laugh. I don't feel I have to be anyone else around her - which is a neat concept! We made a useless trip to the grocery store - walking out with nothing... Then through the mall - walking out with banana chips and gummy candy from the bulk barn - all the time people watching. I just love people watching. I tend to be pretty judgmental when I am out and watching strangers... But then I remember, not everyone can afford a full length mirror.

Now, I'm at home. I went to Stewarts and bought a veggie pizza and am currently munching on that. (At least I think it was a veggie pizza - somewhere under these hot peppers that I added).

I have a lot to do this weekend. I need to finish off a letter of reference - for someone who more that deserves it so I am looking forward to that. I need to get some information down for an article of funeral services - basically on what services are available and what they consist of). Tomorrow I have a St. John Ambulance PR duty at Literacy Day. I just love literacy day. The author of Frankin Books is coming down. There's a state with kids music and dancing... And we all know I will be up there more often goofin' off with the kids than the kids themselves. That ends early afternoon - and I will come home and catch up on some other things in my life that have been put on the back burner lately.

Sunday I am free. Well, free until 1600hrs. I hope the weather is nice. I need a long walk to clear my head and assess some things. Maybe bounce some thoughts off the parkway and hopefully have a few answers come back at me. I need a hug.