And the count down to 2009 commences.

Bonne Annee Tous le Monde!

We always remember New Years, reflecting on what we did this same time the year before. Most of us with drunken stories, times with family and friends... I just have to be different, don't I? I will be able to look back at New Years 2007, spending it showered and in bed by approximately 7:30 p.m. With all the festivities on television to choose from, I watched a Canadian madefortv movie on Binge drinking. With Jack playing a computer game in the other room ( yet still managing to spoil the ending for this snazzy movie of mine), he contemplated going out - until realizing his lack of interest of New Years eve was about par to mine. In bed I sat with my phone in hand, and very stylish with only the best of clothing for me. Yes, Jack's wool socks, and a towel on my head. You can't ask for more attractive than that. People spend hours choosing their New Years attire, yet I only spent a couple of seconds and I still looked fantastic. I chatted with my normal chat partner via text from about 10 something til 11:44. (Good to know we both have lives). It was then decided that we couldn't make it til New Years. *laugh* I BARELY made it til Midnight (not counting the napping in between) ... Got Jack up long enough to watch the ball drop - I think, then was sleeping within seconds of the start of the most painful rendition of Auld Lang Syne.

This morning, I woke up to be at Timmies for 6, but found my regular group was not yet there. I was forced to sit on my own for a good four minutes before I got up, strapped on a big smile and went to befriend another table full of friends I hadn't met yet. I met up with a lovely fire fighter who will be retiring next year, where we both geekily discussed first responder protocols, and the idiocy of people in general. There were about five of them there who knew each other. We had a good little morning sitting there for just over four hours. We were joined by some guy I know very well. We have coffee often since we sat and chatted one morning from 5-8. I just don't know his name. I even saw him in Sobeys the other day. I would ask but its been like four months now. I mean, he buys me coffee when I'm in line, I know his daughters name and we chat... Embarrassing, really. Timmies social networking. I live for it.

I love Fort Erie. When I was in line I hear " Hey Nat, are those your pajamas? " ( Which they were not, by the way - clearly it was a flannel skirt (Yes, my pajamas are skirts) ... It was the son of a gentleman than we had a funeral for about a year ago. My first thought was " It's so nice to be in a small town where everyone knows you and such. My second thought was " Why must people call me Nat?" ... The word makes my skin crawl, but I've learned to accept it. I guess it shows they are " buddy buddy" with me. That's not so bad, I guess.

I just love to people watch. I make secret bets with myself when I see very heavy unattractive people come in. " Oh, they're going for a few breakfast sandwiches for sure" ... I always find joy when they actually order what I peg them for. Awful, I know. Today was exceptionally entertaining to watch the hung over crown prance in... By prance, I mean saunter, and my saunter, I mean drag themselves in. My Gas attendant came in as well. I just adore that man. He works at Petro Canada - and always calls me Precious... Asks me if I am staying out of trouble. He's my buddy. I even pump my own gas in crappy weather to go say hello to him. How can I resist, he even knows how I take my coffee and its there and ready before I am in to pay. I bring the gas boys baked goods. They are good people to befriend. That way, when you pay for your gas, your windows get cleaned. When I bake for them I use Splenda. Just so you know, one of them in diabetic.

There were a lot of Officers in this morning. Everytime I see one, I get angry inside that people like men in uniform. It really does nothing for me. Funeral Suits are much hotter. *laugh* Nothing gets me going more than pin stripes, the smell of cavity fluid in the air, and Velvetone on the hands ;) *laugh*

On a crappier note, my friend George died yesterday. My old boss called me when he got the call in Newmarket, and his son texted when he heard as well. George lived on Main St., where the funeral home is. He was the super for the apartments across the St. from the coffee shop that I spent a lot of time at. It was one of those coffee shops with regulars, couches, crosswords, and books. George was there the day of my Co-Op interview and wished me luck. I was 15 and felt the need to chat up this 69 year old guy at the time. From then on, I saw him very often. We became crib partners, cooking buddies, and lunch dates. When I go home to visit, I always stop by there to get my hug, play a game, and listen to his stories. He died at 80. He lived a rocking life, spending 50 plus years missing a leg and most of his fingers through Lou Gehrigs Disease. He always listened, offered a shoulder, and advice. Taught me to appreciate cabbage rolls, sour cream salad, and I pretended to like his infamous soup. We went berry and mushroom picking, grocery shopping, and watched touch by an angel on most Thursdays between visitations. I've known him for 11 years now, but much better these last six years. He patted me on the head often, said he was proud of who I was, and to never change. I'll miss that guy I barely got to see anymore. Sometimes though, it was nice to know he was there. It will be tough the next time I go home. Even my boss felt badly telling me. His funeral is on Friday. I can't make it, but I know the boys back home have in him great hands.

That's it, that's all. I'm freezing. Have an article to write, and a nap to take, and some visiting to do. I'm missing George so I am going to take the time and go visit some of my former Red Cross clients today. Bake some cookies, bring them by, and remind them that someone's thinkin' about them. They're good people for old folk ;) *laugh*

Welcome, 2008.

I'm sick.

With only 41 days until Christmas, I'm starting to panic. How unlike to me to not be entirely prepared? My cards are ready, stamped and sealed... But the gifts! I'm so behind. I hate shopping. This can't be promising. I'm considering do online shopping. Nothing says personal like online ordered gifts, non? If work isn't nutso this weekend my tree will go up.

I'm sick, btw. The only real reason I am bothering to write something. Just to let everyone know I don't feel well. Some nasty coughing evilness has been with me for a good week now. Perhaps if I got some rest and stopped yacking for a bit it would get better. Instead, I've gone with the "ignore it and it will go away" approach. It's not working, but it proved to be an entertaining two days of teaching a course with a voice that sounded like a 14 year old boy during that part of his life.

Ever have something you want to know, something that intrigues you... Or maybe something you already know but you want confirmation on? I have a few situations like that going through my head these last few days. Some I'm more interested in than others, but all those " I want to know, I want to go further" ... I'm probably not justified for wanting to know certain things... But few things actually perk my curiosity and lately... it's been perked.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

So I spent Friday night at the "Other guys" ... Well, the former "other guys"... Guess they lose that title when you change towns *shrug* What cooler way to spend your Friday evening than to spend it in the garage of a funeral home - one that I don't even work for. I've been meeting some pretty dapper people lately. I think I'll keep them around.

As for the new job - it's going well. The people are fantastic, the politics are entertaining and there is a Timmies practically sharing our parking lot. Can you ask for anything more? Wait... Yes you can. Individualism. That is the one thing I will miss. I have a very strong sense that you can get easily lost in the crowd... That there is not much room to acheive, make a difference to the whole, and become yourself. I guess that is not a bad thing, I mean if that is the most discomfort I have then I am laughing. It's just something I have to work at. Something I have to change. Change is good, right? It's funny though - I have a sense that if you make an error - you will certainly become an individual very quickly.

The pace is apparently slower than it has been so we have not been run off our feet by any means. Steady though. Steady is good. I am too often tempted to eat restaurant style surrounded by so many potential places to eat. Some days are healthier than others. For example, the other day started with me choosing to be low calorie girl - so I skipped breakfast, went with a coffee and figured I would eat weeds for lunch and dinner. Instead, I found a caramel chocolate Halloween bug in my mail slot so I ate that for breakfast. Followed by appointments through lunch - and me getting light headed so I had a ball of frozen cookie dough. I came home with full intentions of skipping dinner, instead, somehow managed to eat over half a bag of Doritos, cheese, pepperoni, jalepenos, more cheese, and then a giant steak sandwich at 8p.m. while I lay in bed watching Hannible rising... (Jack was having a poker night so I was in hiding - only leaving to steal food) ... After that " meal" I was so sick I was in tears and rolled over with the full intentions of dying.

I woke up anyway. Needless to say, I didn't wake up with a thin day.

Right now, well, before I started on the blog, I was getting ready for my friend's upcoming Shower and Bachelorette party planning. She made me promise that I would not go to bed, and that I would go out with the girls. When did I become such a stick in the mud. I like to sleep by 8:30 ideally, go out VERY rarely - the mood and company have to strike me at the exact moment. I laugh thinking back to the last time I was at her place in Barrie this year ... Everyone went out on a " night on the town" and I wished everyone a good night and found my guest bed ;) What a gem, I am. I think the only people who can manage to keep me awake for the entire night are the folks from back home at work. *laugh* And as if that was not bad enough - to point out how I really am a 60 year old trapped in my body, I DID hear my favourite song in an elevator the other week. Dear God, can I be saved?

Oh...

I went to visit a friend the other day. Friend, funny how that works out. I don't feel that too many people are my "friend", and this person has oddly enough weaseled his way into this spot. Over coffee we laughed, talked, and laughed some more. He's one of those people who laughs and does it well. It's very genuine. He's managed the fine and difficult to find balance of playful guy meets perfect gentleman - a rare breed. He told me about a video that I should take a look at - something that really seemed to have moved him. When I went home I found it online and there went 1 hour and 44 minutes of my life as I was glued to the screen - watching a 47 year old professor give his "final lecture" ... as he was dying. Actually, I lost more than that amount of time. I was not counting the 20 minutes of crying I did afterwards. Randy Pausch. Watch it.

I'm too tired to even read over - I apologize for any typos, splices, etc. Blah. Me sleepy. I'm surprised I even gave this five minute of my time. I'm glad I type quickly. Sleep sweet!

Me me me.

GENERAL

Full name: Femicas

Gender: Female

Born: July 18

Handles: Femicas

Lives in: Fort Erie, Ontario, Canada

Star sign: Cancer – The emotional one

School: Funeral Services, English, Medics and Grief and all that jazz.

Pets: Bella and Shilo

Where are you from: Timmins, Ontario – The Great White North (So why am I always so cold?!?)

What colour are your eyes? Green

Hair colour: Brunette

Piercing/tattoos: Twelve in the ears, one navel, one tattoo of a frog on my lower back.

Marital status: Married

"NORMAL"

1. Are you a Virgin? No

2. Are you a right or a lefty or an ambidextrous? Right handed

3. What are your personality traits? Curious, stone cold hearted, hard to get rid of, but at the same time sometimes sweet, sometimes caring… trustworthy and very loyal if I actually like you.

4. What do you like most about yourself: My teeth, the freckle on my stomach, and my faithfulness to my friends. (Hence the hard to get rid of comment ;o) Oh, and I love the fact that people I first meet think I am quiet – Ha!

5. Pick a song that describes you? Big Girls Don't Cry - Fergie

6. What's your birth name backwards: Eilatan Dranreb, or Sacimef

7. What does your name mean?

NATALIE f French, English
Pronounced: NAT-a-lee
From the Late Latin name Natalia, which meant "Christmas Day" from Latin natale domini.

BERNARD m English, French
Pronounced: bur-NARD
Derived from the Germanic element bern "bear" combined with hard "brave, hardy".

8. Do you believe in yourself: Depending on the task at hand, it ranges from immensely to not at all. Academically, or people wise – for sure… Trying to find a skirt that my ass does not look like a giant bubble – not at all.

9. Do you have an accent? No ... I should hope not anyway

10. Do you believe in God? I do

11. Do you go to church: Yes

12. Can you swim? Very well.

13. Do you drink? On occasion with the right company.

14. Do you smoke? No I don’t. I used to, but when I moved I never made any smoking friends so I didn’t bother.

141. Do you do drugs? Nope.

15. Do you bite your nails? No I don’t. Pretty hands are happy hands

16. Are you addicted to the Internet? Absolutely. I even have it on my phone.

17. How many times do you check your email per day? Quite often

18. Do you ever have AOL conversations? No, MSN

19. Do you have ICQ? No, MSN Messenger

20. How long can you hold your breath? What am I holding it for?

21 Nose hairs (on you): long or short? Cute and short!

22 Nose hairs (on your boy/girlfriend or potential other) long or

short? I’d prefer short, thanks

23. What hobbies do you have? I used to write – an awful lot. I also used to read. Generally, back home anyway – I was too involved in community shhtuff so that became my hobby. I did a lot of vocal work but I guess that isn’t considered a hobby. Maybe I need a hobby?

24. What kind of Deodorant do you use? Soft and Dry Power Stripe – Kissed Peach

25. Do you think you're attractive? It depends on who standing beside me for comparison… :oP No no, It depends on my mood really. Funny, but around new people I feel more confident and smiley – while around someone who I know a bit better, or someone that intimidates me slightly I lose confidence and cover my face a lot – look down, with a big doofy awkward smile… etc… It’s odd.

26. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? No, but I keep one near by

27. What do you wear to bed? Generally nothing. Although the mass amount of Pyjamas I own says other wise.

28. One Pillow or 2? Two or three.

29. What's your bedtime? Ideally 7:30ish. Usually, the moment things are done (work or otherwise) I sleep.

30. What do you think before you go to sleep? Is the TV too loud? It’s not on CNN, is it? What I have to do the next day.

31. First thought in the morning: Must… take … dog … for … piddle…

32. What's under your bed? Nothing. Born of the greatest clean freak – Lynn Bernard.

33. Are you an optimist or pessimist? Once again, it would depend on what it was in regard to.

34. Better to cry or laugh? I believe that depends on who you are with. While laughing with friends is awesome, a good cry with a great friend makes the whole world feel better.

35. Ever been in love? Yes

36. Right now, who do you want to marry and spend the rest of your

life with? If you are married, who would be your runner up? Oh, yeah – THIS is a safe question to fill out on paper. No thanks. *laugh*

37. Where do you want to go on your honeymoon? Didn’t take one. In hopes that I would have had a real job that I wouldn’t want to take time off.

38. When you notice somebody of the opposite sex what do you

notice first? First, the way they look at me and their body language. I will notice forewarms and a jawline – and facial hair… and any gray – I have a grey hair fetish - is just awesome. And of course, their smell. Why does everyone always expect me to say teeth? *laugh*

39. Guys- if a random girl asked you for your shirt, would you give it to her?

40. Girls- Do I want them? Do they want my shirt to put it on the floor beside the bed? *laugh*

41. Guys, would you ever ask a random girl for her shirt?

42. Do you think men and women can ever just be friends without

wanting each other? Yes, absolutely – but you have to be somewhat attracted to your friends, right? I mean I don’t have too many ugly friends.

43. Who's better? Boys or Girls? Boys, hands down. Girls are WAY to complicated.

44. What's your "type"? A man with a good sense of humour and an infatuation with me ;o) Wait! Those two don’t sound good together! LOL! I didn’t mean it to sound like that!

45. Internet Boyfriends and Girlfriends, stupid or cool? Tempting, but Unrealistic.

46. Are you a player? Flirt, yes. Player, no.

47. Did you ever cry over someone of the opposite sex? Yes

48. Did you ever have a crush on a cartoon character? Eric from The Little Mermaid, The Beast when he was dancing with Belle gave me shivers, he was just so big and powerful *shaking head* YES, I know he was an animal!

49. Are you a good friend? Yes!

50. What's your biggest fear? I’m afraid to lose my best friends because of distance and situation. I’m terrified of failing or being judged poorly as a professional. What else to I fear? I fear the feeling of doubt and not knowing. Also, I fear horses. And butterflies and moths. And, Robert Stack. And, dying. And War talk. And, Internet down time. I’m afraid of competition. I’m afraid of stepping on people’s toes or disappointing those who are important to me. I am a walking fear, really.

51. Do you type with your fingers right on the keys? On the right keys? Generally, with the exception of the numbers. I can’t type numbers, that is why I usually spell them out.

52. Do you make fun of peoples? Everyone is fair game to me, myself included. Although I will never make fun of a Special needs person or have an obvious handicap – And no, stupidity is not a handicap.

53. What is the stupidest thing you have ever done? Who knows.

54. What is the smartest thing you have ever done? Making a point to eat Fibre! *laugh*

55. Do you eat chicken fingers with a fork? No, my fingers

56. How do you eat an Oreo? I don’t like Oreos.

57. Do you eat the stems of broccoli? Yes, they are the best. They don’t stick to your teeth!

58. Is the glass half empty of half full? Half full

59. Which came first-The chicken or the egg? The egg! Dinosaurs are older than chickens, and they come from eggs.

60. What colour is your toothbrush? White and blue

61. What colour is your toothpaste? I have three, each with a different purpose! A green one, a white on and tri coloured Festive toothpaste (Tis the season)

62. What’s on your walls in your room? Absolutely nothing. Things on walls inevitably turn into clutter and dust collectors.

63. What is on your ceiling? A light fixture and stucco.

64. Have you ever been attacked by a big dog? No, but it does not stop me from being afraid of every dog but a wiener dog! I love wiener dogs!

65. Words/Phrases you overuse: “Meh”, "Howdy", “Niiiice”, "things like that"

66. Do you get along with your parents? Yes, with a few head bumpings along the way. However, in comparison to everyone else I have spoken to, we get along a helluva a lot better than the majority. Our fights are pathetic. Here I thought they were mass destruction… LOL!

67. Craziest/Silliest person you know: I tend to back away from crazy silly people.

68. What sucks about school? The laws against sleeping with professors for grades - or at least just for fun!

69. Say one nice thing about the person who sent this to you. Well, since I am the one that has started this tradition of lengthy questions, I must say… I almost often smell very good and may have a collection of perfume as large as the one at the Bay :P Yay for me.

70. Do you like to swim? Love it!

71. Do you watch Buffy The Vampire Slayer? I do not

72. Do you sing in the shower? I sing almost everywhere but the shower.

73. How do you want to die? I have zero interest in dying.

74. Would you ever go bungy-jumping? Sure, but it would be difficult- or entertaining as I only like wearing skirts :P

75. Do you like dressing up? I rarely dress down!

76. Do you enjoy reading? Yes. Just not magazines or comics.

77. Do you watch TGIF? No I don’t watch television.

78. What movie do you really want to see? Snowcakes. It’s about someone with Autism who is high functioning.

79. What is your biggest wish? To be entirely ignorant. Ignorant people lead such happy lives!

80. Would you ever have cosmetic surgery? I would love to have a real nose and an upper lip to match my bottom ;) Bottom lip, that is.

81. Do you like to dance? I love dancing.

82. What do you think of people who drink? Cheers. There is a time and place for everything.

83. What do you think about people who do drugs? Meh to everything but hardcore stuff! Lets not go Crack head like, shall we.

84. What do you think of people who smoke? Now I always wonder what they do for a living because they are so bloody expensive there days.

85. Do you shun nudity? On ugly people, yes… Also, on anyone smaller than me. Nude hot people make me angry! :P

86. Have you ever stolen anything? That I have not.

87. Do you watch Happy Days? Never have.

88. Do you organize your CD's? Alphabetically.

89. Do you read the newspaper? Yes, but not in a confined space – the smell bothers me.

90. Who is the loudest person you know? Darren is very loud.

91. Who is the weirdest person you know? I never really hung out with anyone weird. Weird scares me. Weirder than I am, anyway.

92. Do you sneeze a lot? Do I ever!

93. Are you a vegetarian? No.

94. Best net friends? Narat, Kiara and Lobo

95. What was the last CD you got? Umm. About two years ago I bought Colm Wilkinson’s new one.

96. Who do you trust the most? I trust very few people. I trust my former boss, my friend Geoff, and my friend Kiara from Sweden.

97. What colour is your computer desk? Wood colour.

98. Do you have a pager? No, I have had to use the one for work, but I usually depend on my cell phone.

99. Do you have a lava lamp? No and I never want one in any residence of mine!

100. What's on your mousepad? It’s plain. I have a Blue and Jelly like one… And a black and Jelly like one.

101. Worst feeling in the World? Uncertainty

102. Best feeling in the World? A hug when you really need it. One of those hugs when you could stay there forever and just feel safe. I miss hugs – Fort Erie just isn’t a huggy place for me.

103. Favourite thing to do on a weekend? I love to grocery shop – anytime. I also enjoy making lists of stuff to do, things I need to buy, cards I need to send. I love lists and writing them.

104. Where do you want to see yourself in 10 years? Still in L2A land, if all works out with what I hope for ;)

105. Do you get motion sickness? I went on the Tilt O Whirl during Markham Fair last year and thought I was going to die. So I guess that is a yes?

106. What do you drive: A grand prix.

107. Who is your best friend? It would depend on what I needed to tell them. Geoff hands down though

108. What's the name of the person you talk to most online? My Mom, Geoff, Kiara and Lobo

109. Have you ever been skinny-dipping? I don’t think I have really gone swimming with clothing on. Friends swim with friends Nekkid.

110. Have you ever been convicted of a crime? I’m not a big crime person!

111. Most humiliating moment: I embarrass easily, yet I enjoy it in a way and can’t really thing of anything humiliating

112. Have you ever called a 900 number? No , but I’ve always wanted to. Maybe today is the day. *laugh* I am reminded of the ‘party line’ they had on the Simpsons episode… Moe: Hello… Barney Hello? Moe: This isn’t much of a party!” LOL You had to watch it I guess.

113. Two movies that you cried at? Umm. Schindlers List and You’ve got mail – Every time when Tom Hanks hold’s Meg Ryans face in his hand and says “ Don’t cry, shop girl”

114. Summer memory: My birthday. Although completely uneventful, I received those phone calls from people back home talking about how I should be home to celebrate etc… we miss you etc… so I ended up just sulking through the whole day and working telling no one it was my day. Yeah it sucked. Birthdays are big for me. Were big for me. I choose not to have one next year. Not like that, anyway. Wait – was that supposed to be a good memory? LOL

115. Idea for a perfect date? Laughs, snuggles, and food.

116. Future son names: Jordan and Derek – Or according to Jack, Jack.

117. Future daughter names: Rebecca, not Becky. … Wait, that is a little too churchish. *shrug*

TASTE

118. What is your favourite brand of gum? Clorets Arctic Mint – It’s always on me.

119. Which is your favourite Mentos commercial? I have always loved them all! They are very clever! :o)

120. What's your favourite colour to paint you toe nails? Any colour!

121. Which do you prefer cool ranch or nacho cheese Doritos? Jalepeno Cheddar

122. What's your favourite flavour of Snapple? I don’t enjoy Snapple at all. It’s leaves this film on my teeth!

123. Who is your favourite character on Seinfeld? George. I love his whining. Gives me something/one to look up to!

124. Which one Coke or Pepsi? Diet PEPSI!

125. Which pez is your favourite? Blue or Orange.

126. What's your favourite room in the house? My John Deere Kitchen. Everyone needs a John Deere Kitchen.

127. Which is your favourite Arnold movie? Eraser? Yeah sure, Eraser.

128. What is your favourite store? Wegmans and Canadian Tire. I love the smell of Canadian Tire.

129. What is your favourite Jello flavour? BLUE JELLO!

130. Which do you prefer mud wrestling or Jello wrestling? Jello Pudding wrestling!

131. What's the best number in the world? Eighteen

132. Boxers or Briefs? I like either – or in the middle!

133. Favourite colour Bra? Black

134. Favourite Salad Dressing: Garlic and Vinegar! Chop the Garlic, pour the Vinegar… //Drool.

135. Favourite Shampoo: I’ll use anything… It’s conditioner I am picky on. Ego Boost by Tigi!

136. Favourite movies: Schindlers list, or anything with Kevin Spacey, Anthony Hopkins, Ben Stiller or Robert Deniro are in – Even if they turn out crappy. Oh, and Tommy Boy! LOL!

137. Favourite kind of music: Not a rap fan. Other than that, I am really not picky. Country is generally my first choice. That and Rock and Roll Oldies.

138. Favourite car: One with a driver!

139. Favourite food: Berries, seedless grapes and seedless oranges – anytype. Anything that is a finger food. I’ll eat almost anything with a toothpick in it Rare Prime Rib, Bacon, Pizza, Anything that you can add Feta to…. Mmm

140. Favourite town to be in? Fort Erie!!

141. Favourite ice cream? Not a big sweet fan – but I would have to go with cookiedough or coffee

142. Favourite Soda: Pop! Diet Pepsi with Ice.

143. ADIDAS, NIKE, or REEBOK: I guess Nike. I like the word Swoosh

144. Favourite cologne or perfume? Waves of white musk for me *sobs at it’s discontinuation*,Sheer Beautiful by Arden, Hot Couture Givinchy, Irrisistable – Givinchy… Ralph by Palph Lauren or one of my other gabillion perfumes ;) What can I say – I love my smells ;)

145. Favourite song? Round Here – Counting Crows. Always has been.

146. Favourite school subject? Just about anything that is not hands on J So labs are out. I am smart on paper.

147. Least favourite school subject: Humanities. Of any sort. And there are people who CHOOSE to major in this. Yawwwwwn

148. Favourite sport to watch: Curling and hockey. Don’t ask, just nod.

149. Favourite holiday: July 18th or Christmas – And Groundhog Day. What a great day! It’s about Groudhogs! Groundhogs are funny!

150. What do you look for in the opposite sex? Verification that they are indeed, of the opposite sex… Meh, even then not all the time! LOL! No, seriously, I answered this already. I’ll add in someone who is not afraid to hug. I LOVE hugs! I also like big hands – now don’t get all perverted on me – I just like a guy to have big hands (not freakishly huge – just significantly bigger than mine)– it’s a powerful thing I guess. I even love handshakes from a man with a big hand a firm grip…It’s hot in it’s own way. Not so much as when they go to pass you and put their hand on your waist or back. This only counts for males that are not creepy. *laugh*

151. Would you rather go to Disneyworld or Disneyland? Neither, in case this is a trick and they are the same!

152. What is your favourite colour? Chocolate Brown

153. Favourite cartoon hero? I think it was Yakko that sang the “All the Countries of the World” THAT WAS IMPRESSIVE!

154. Favourite Actors? Anthony Hopkins, Kevin Spacey, Robert Deniro, Russel Crowe and Edward Norton

155. Favourite Actresses? Meh - Females…

156. Pro-life or Pro-choice? Pro-choice

157. Do you prefer pools or ocean? Pools!

158. Pencil or pen? Pen

159. Who's the best looking person you know of same sex? This lady came into the funeral home the other day … She struck me somehow. She’s still haunting me… Something about her… Pretty… So pretty. She’s nameless though. And honestly I’d be happier never seeing her again. Made me feel like a wet dog.

160. Who's the prettiest Disney movie gal? BELLE! That piece of hair that always fell on her face… So pretty.

161. Gold or silver? Yellow Gold

162. Would you rather be short or tall? Tall – I wish I were tall.

163. Which Winnie the Pooh character is your fav.? Eeyore, although I hate Winnie the pooh characters.

164. What's your favourite Nintendo game? Final Fantasy, Star Tropics, Zelda

165. Who is the least attractive person you know? ... Oh to name them all. :)

167. Do you like Marilyn Manson? No

168. Favourite stations? I can never keep it on one station. But it most of the time ends up on 680 News or 95.3 or 104.1

169. MTV or VHF? What are they? Well, what is VHF?

170. What are your favourite musician, band or bands? Colm Wilkinson

171. Best places to hang out? Work, usually… For most of my past jobs anyway. Or Crescent Gardens *laugh* I spend an awful lot of time there.

172. Do you prefer to date people old or younger then you? Older

173. Favourite TV show? *shrug* Not a big television person. Days of our Lives, Ellen sometimes…

174. Blondes, Brunettes, or Redheads? Brunettes- Add some grey and I am in heaven!

175. Glasses or Contacts? Glasses.

176. What's the weirdest first name you've ever heard of? Squatting Turtle

177. Brandy or Monica? Neither, although they are annoyingly catchy.

178. Favourite game? Cribbage

179. Favourite drink? Non-Alcoholic – Coffee. Alcoholic- Gin and Juice or Rye and Ginger

180. Favourite sound? A Texan accent

181. Favourite smell? Bacon and onions and Chlorinated pools – but not together.

182. Roller coasters - deadly or exciting: Who put it together. Professionals, or 15 year old underpaid part timers?

183. Chocolate or Vanilla cake: Coffee cake!

184. Thunderstorms cool or scary: Scary – but a certain one holds some good memories.

185. What is your favourite quote: A closed mouth gathers no foot and Let water seek it’s own level.

IF

186. If you could shave one thing into your hair what would you

be? I pass.

187. If you could dye your hair one colour, what would it be? Whatever looked the nicest?

188. If you could have a tattoo what would you get and where would

You put it? I’d want one on my front hip bone – left side. John Deere tractor “mowing the lawn”

189. If you could turn into an animal real or imaginary, what

would you be? A Groundhog

190. If you could meet one person in the world who would it be,

Living and non-living?

Living – Colm Wilkinson and he would sing to me.

Non Living – Jesus …

191. If you were a dog what would your name be? Mercury

192. If you could be anything in a kitchen what would you be? Me eating out of the fridge – or a spoon.

193. If you could be one gardening tool what would you be? A shovel, it’s like a big spoon!

194. If you could be a shoe, what kind of shoe would you be? Anything but a flat.

195. If you could be Corn, what corn would you be? (Canned corn?

Ear corn?) Creamed corn!

196. If you could say anything to any one person and not get in

trouble for it, what would you say? Wouldn’t know where to start. But I think it would finish with me hitting her with a car, or a big rock – or something.

197. If you had a genie, what 3 wishes would you make? To have the job I want and to never grow hair in unwelcome places

198. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be? Blue

199. If you could meet a Net Person who would it be? I’ve met Narat, I will meet a lot this upcoming year, so … Hrmm Who else? Kiara, Walid.

200. If you could have any occupation when you get older, what

would it be: Funeral Director

201. If you were to kill someone, which method would you choose: I’m not too into having anyone killed.

202. If you could do anything to the person you hate the most, what

Would you do? I’d rather sit back and watch them crumble. I pray for Karma’s revenge.

203. Think of the person you love most in the entire world.

Thinking of them? OK, now that person will die a horrible death if you don't

Have hot stinky sex with your father/mother. That is more love then I want to imagine! LOL! But, to save a life, yes.

KINKY

204. If you could streak in front of one person's house who's

would it be? Am I getting paid to do this?

205. Better pre-sex foods: All food can be pre sex food. I don’t discriminate.

206. You are a virgin. You're going to die in one hour. That's right! You have ONE HOUR TO LIVE!!! So...you lose your virginity as fast as you can? or you call all your close friends and relatives to say goodbye? Wait a Minute. If I am still a Virgin there must be a reason. Why would all of a sudden I get the chance to sleep with someone? Huh? *laugh*

207. Your favourite STD and why? Syphilis? Because…

209. Does gay/lesbian sex turn you on? To me it’s the same as straight people sex. So long as the people are attractive.

210. What would your porn name be? (You're middle name and the

first street you lived on) Marie Ortonpark

211. Do bananas turn you on? Not in general. Unless they are frozen. Ha!

212. Condoms: glow-in-the-dark, flavoured, or ribbed? Ribbed?

213. Full body massage or dry sex? Massage. What freak answered Dry sex? Worse yet, who thought the two were comparable enough to write it as a question. Eep!

214. On a scale of 1-10, 1 being I may have sex...sometime in my life...maybe when I'm like 80...and 10 being whips, chains, and automobiles with my dog and my gramma in the backseat of my grandpa's car, where are you kinkiness-wise? 8ish

215. My most graphic sexual fantasy was when... Two of you reading this know it ;o)

216. Would you have sex on your kitchen counter? With my luck it would break!

217. Place I'd get it on if I could? A Boardroom table!

218. Other than a past or present lover, the person I'd like to have sex with the most is? Tsk. This survey is trying to get me in trouble. ;o)

219. If you were gay, would you have straight sex if someone paid you

$1,000. ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS? I can be bought. LOL!

220. Premarital sex? Oops.

What can you learn in seven days?

October first was my start date to my new job. That's right - I've moved on - upwards and onwards - at least this is what I have been told.

My first interview - Friday at 1600hrs - lasted three hours. I'm not really sure what it consisted on. It was sort of a history lesson of my potential future employers... mixed with information on expectations, a tour of the building and a "question answer" period. I wish I could recall more details but it was hard for me to focus as all I could really hear was my inside voice saying " traitor - failure " etc. etc. etc.

My driving record came into play about half way into the interview. Ms. Femicas has a doozy of a speeding ticket (136 in a Hundred) coupled with failure to provide proof of insurance. Needless to say that the 700 dollars and 4 points don't make my drivers abstract look as stellar as I am ;) I came clean with my record - and did my best not to go into the " It's not my fault I was really busy and it was bright out and the cop was an unattractive chick so I was screwed from the moment we passed go" ... Instead I figured that doomed me for the position - which, in a way - was okay. I mean if I didn't get it I wouldn't have to leave where I was. Monday morning I was called to go into a second interview at 1330 that afternoon. I went. I spoke. I saw again. I came home to get the call to get my .... dah dah dahhhhh... Abstract. A good part of me felt badly as I was wasting his time. It's bad. Take my word for it.

Well, come Wednesday - around Days of our Lives time - and mid funeral service - I got a call offering me a full time position within Funeral Services. I was shocked - I cried - I am not sure of happiness, shock, sadness, fear - or perhaps those were tears from hearing the worst vocalist ever singing upstairs for a funeral. Either way I was emotional... and I did a little dance that would have been rather embarrassing had it been witnessed. I was to start on Monday... October the 1st.

Telling boss man was simple enough. He had already been called for a reference. So, as to avoid any conversation - a simple text that read " I got it" did the trick.

You know - it's good for me - to leave where I was. Sad feelings and all. I was not going to go anywhere with it - I was not entirely me... and I was not even entirely comfortable - but at the same time I love love loved it. It was better I left before my feelings of disappointment in myself turned into some sort of deeper bitter resentment.

I went in to do a " last shift " on Thursday. I left a gift basket and some cards - threw out most anything that I had there.... or at least moved it out of there. I spent a good portion of the day avoiding boss man - hiding downstairs cleaning whatever I could get my hands on.

It feels ... Good, I think. New place, new faces, new friends. The people are absolutely fantastic. I have a great team. I have a new chance to learn and experience. A fresh new start.

There is so much I could go on about... but I'm tired - and talked out about the whole thing. It's been the only topic I am capable of discussing lately. And even then, I only discuss it with a certain few.

Not an entertaining blog, that is for sure - but an update nonetheless.

Sleep sweet, folks.

I'm a bad blogger.

I wonder how many times that line has been used by bloggers across the world.

I am not ready to sit and talk for too long - just enough to remind some folks that I am still holding vital signs.

I've got a new job. That is my new. Details coming very shortly - probably over the long weekend (which happens to start tonight) ...

Back I'll be.

Sweet and sour?

I've never poured myself a drink at home to kick back.
I've never stolen something with the intentions of theft.
I've never hit a wall in anger.
I've never verbally sworn at someone. (for the record, when I was in grade six or so - I said to my mom " frick you" and she screamed " WHAT did you SAY?" and MAN was I in trouble. I didn't even swear and she said I did. I was so angry that I swore outloud in my room to myself because I was all grown up like that, you know"
I don't have a microwave.

Funny ... In the past few days these topics seem to have come up more than once. It's funny looking back at things. Back at past times, memories, thoughts and opinions.

I drank before "legal drinking age", I tried "drugs" about three weeks after I was accused of it through an "intervention" at my kitchen table complete with pamphlets from that miserable life ruining Pharmacist Jill. I still hate her as much as I did when I was 17 *laugh* ... I never "snuck" out of my house, but I do recall "sneaking in", or was that "skulking in"...

I remember my elementry school life was hell for a week because I came home to tell my mom that at Crystal's party there was a "cigarette"... And Crystal told her mom too but chose to cover and get me in trouble.

I used to be so afraid of Alex that Lesley and I would talk quietly in our room about her because we thought she may have a recording device in our houses. We were THAT afraid of her. I used to eagerly look forward to school exams (well tests at the time), because I was smart and she was always nice to me when she needed help on projects and tests and such.

I remember creating "miracle face creams" with water, baby powder, eyeshadows, soap peelings, and baby oil" ... Sometimes, to make them better I added "real" hand cream - but I would have never admitted it. I made it all on my own, doncha know.

In grade seven - I bought a condom out of a dispenser in a truck stop on our way to Timmins and hid it until we came back and put it in my journal.

I remember giving my parents foot rubs and their feet would talk to me. Then I would have a donation bag hanging on my doorknob and they would donate to me during the night.

I remember discovering a giant rubber maid container of "naughty" things in my parents closet and having it down to an art to sneak in and show a friend. Hahah. I can't recall what I was looking for when I found it, but I do recall my heart racing going ... Oh my God!! lol That was in grade six *laugh*

I remember the devastation I felt when I first learned I was too big for the swing set.

I remember my hamster dying the same night I learned that Santa, the Easter Bunny, and ... And... And... the tooth fairies were not real.

I remember my very first sip of a drink was from Jaime at the cottage. He and I were sitting together and we walked to the cottage and he handed me a Bacardi and coke. Said have some. I was so afraid. Richard came in and I hid it. Jaime said something to him but I couldn't hear over my heart and he said " Man I'm out of here have you seen the size of her dad!" LOL! I went home and wrote about 8 pages in my journal about that life altering grown up experience. That and Richard touched my head when he patted it. Oh, I was in love! *laughing*

I remember the old " dirty jokes" Mommy Mommy turn your headlights on, the snake is eating your grass" ... LOL

I remember boat rides and scavenger hunts... Frog catching, and my imaginary friend/enemy named Kacubody. She was a pervert sometimes. (Oh the trials of being an only child).

I remember sneaking pickles out of the fridge and hiding them in the drawers under my bed for later - forgetting them - then when my mom found them claimed I had no idea.

I remember my friend Lesley and I had a big plan to " try a tampon" years before our monthly visitors came to be. We code named them "hats" and made sure to remind us not to forget to pack a hat for the weekend at the cottage. We snuck them from our mom's... How riske.

I remember secretly liking power rangers, in highschool. *laugh*

I remember sad things too...

From the simple - of crying over "heart breaks" to...

Watching my dad drop to the ground with a deafening sound when he found out his dad died.... I had never seen him cry. It made me feel sick. I also remember always hating to go to Quebec... Because I didn't understand why we had to speak French. I remember not wanting to visit... Yet, I remember being in the hospital looking at my "pepere" on my dads side... All yellow... and thinking " How sad he's just so helpless. I remember that drive home was so long because then, I felt so badly for not knowing him better.

I remember getting the call that my cousin had killed himself. I was in grade eight. He was 18. He was the one I looked up to. Enjoyed talking to. He held my hand in car rides and taught me to enjoy Tolkien, and taught me chess. I remember we were at the kitchen table. I went right upstairs and packed " adult funeral clothes" ... I found a black cotton skirt and a blue and black striped sweater. I remember the funeral home smelled sweet. He looked painted. I kissed his forehead because someone was watching me and it was cold and I gagged. An hour later went back to see him and I held his hand again. I signed a chess board in memory of him. I remember being blown away by all of the " Louis" memorabilia. His chess games, Coke products, everything. I remember the funeral director - Tracey Seaton. She had hair pinned back to perfection. A gorgeous smile and the warmest hug I could remember. She told me all about her job, and sat with me for a good hour. She was so perfect. So put together. So professional. . She still works in Timmins.

My great aunt who was like a grand mother. I was not able to attend her funeral. My heart still gets caught in my chest when I think about her though. Velveta cheese, money for the store downstairs, slippers and playing dress up. Her dogs that always smelled funny. Potatoes cooked over the wood stove at the cottage. The Sauna - and putting blood suckers on the hot rocks until I realized I felt badly and then I cried. ... I remember finding out my mom's dad had died in her apartment.

My mom and I had just come from Timmins... And it's funny - I'm not a scenic girl but at a point in our drive we both said how nice it was outside. We saw the time. When we arrived in Timmins, my Great aunt told me first... While my mom was downstairs. She came up and I asked her to sit down. She knew... and the first thing she asked was what time he died. It was the same time when we said it was so beautiful. To this day that makes my hair stand on edge. I remember my mom very vividly at the funeral. I remember being so sad. I kept picturing how sad he would be when we would leave. I remember for the first time understanding that that was it. No more. I remember throwing up. I watched my mom and she was a rock. Talking to these people she had never seen before. Seeing it from a whole other perspective. Knowing I could never be that rock. Not then, not now. Not for me, anyway.

I remember putting my cat down. I remember being so afraid. Terrified that we had to choose death for this cat and really couldn't say what happened to him after. I remember holding his paw and crying. I remember my dad taking him and crying. I remember it was awful. It was so awful.

Wow... I remember this post started off happy. Although, even these sad things.... Helped make me me. Maybe I just needed a little night of nostalgia.